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A woman was pregnant with triplets. One day she decided to go for a walk when she was shot 3 times in the stomach.
The Dr. said the children would be fine but they would each have a bullet inside them.
It was sixteen years later when one of her girls came down and said that when she had a shit she found a bullet so the mum explained the story.
A bit later her second daughter came down and said when she went for a piss she found a bullet, so for the second time she explained the story.
All of a sudden her son came down in a right state. His mum turned around and said "Don't tell me you went to toilet and found a bullet".
He then turned back and said "No, I was having a wank and I shot the dog!"
I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. “Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge! "Yeah," I said, "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying She thought tubby bald men were cute! "Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" So I hung up on the fat bitch.
blonde woman sees a tree in the middle of the road, so she swerves, then another one, so she swerves again, and another... when she gets to the gas station she asks the attendant ''whats with all the trees on the road'', he laughs and says ''thats you air freshner hanging from your miror''
